The Jokes

**gatita_andy** · 06-21-09, 07:35 PM

Why are men like computers?

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter

:9

**QuickLightning** · 06-21-09, 07:37 PM

*cough cough*

I think Andy wants some more, Ranger.

**Ranger10** · 06-21-09, 07:38 PM

Lol.... nice.

Of course, 99% of computer problems are user error.

**Ranger10** · 06-21-09, 07:39 PM

Q:
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you?

A:
You made the chain too long.

**Ranger10** · 06-21-09, 07:43 PM

Oooo...

A Texas Highway Patrol Officer pulls a man over for speeding in excess of 100 mph. When the officer approaches the car, he asks the driver why he was in such a hurry.

The man replies, "My wife ran off with a Highway Patrolman, and I just thought you were trying to bring her back!"

**gatita_andy** · 06-21-09, 07:47 PM

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for small, $6500 for medium, and $14,000 for large. The man was sure he wanted a large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

**Ranger10** · 06-21-09, 07:49 PM

Ooooo... ouch. Touche' my dear.

**Ranger10** · 06-21-09, 07:51 PM

Here Andy, I'll help you out...

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

**QuickLightning** · 06-21-09, 07:56 PM

That one reminds me of another joke, Ranger.

A man finds a bottle, rubs it and a genie pops out. The genie says, "I will grant you three wishes, but for whatever I give you, I will give your worst enemy something ten times better."

The man decides to go with it anyways. He wishes for a billion dollars... boom, he is given a deposit into his account and his wife gets a deposit of ten billion dollars.

He then wishes to be the most beautiful person in the world, irresistible to the opposite sex. Bam, he is gorgeous and women everywhere love him... but his wife gets all the publicity and attention from both men AND women.

For his final wish, the man asks for a mild stroke.