The Jokes

**Warprosper** · 06-22-09, 09:29 AM

Does a crowded elevator smell different to Midget?

**Tamato24** · 06-22-09, 11:45 AM

Q: Why can't women drive?

A: There's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom

Q: How do you punish Helen Keller?

A: Stick a plunger in the toilet

Q: Why does Beyonce always say "to the left, to the left?"

A: Because she has no rights

The last one was a bit racist as well as sexist. I apologize but they're funny

**WaterDumple** · 06-22-09, 12:29 PM

So a frigate, submarine, and battleship walk into a bar. And then they realize it--They couldn't have walked in at all. None of them have legs.

That's known as high-quality humor!

**QuickLightning** · 06-22-09, 01:44 PM

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

**LuckyDucky** · 06-22-09, 03:17 PM

Why did God create women?

So men where prepared for Hell.

:P

**QuickLightning** · 06-22-09, 05:42 PM

Two muffins were sitting in an oven.

The first muffin looks at the second and asks "Is it getting warm in here?"

The second muffin responds "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

**Tamato24** · 06-22-09, 08:33 PM

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"

Two pretzels are walking down the street. One gets asSALTed

**gatita_andy** · 06-23-09, 05:17 AM

OK you have to admit....... there cant be a joke thread without " blond jokes" so here they are.........

:9

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...Florida
or the moon?'

The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida

??'

* * * * * * * * * *

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you!'

* * * * * * * * * *

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee
and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she
touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

* * * * * * * * * *

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever
heard of someone naming dogs like that?'

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'

Andy

**SpiritOfF1re** · 06-23-09, 11:21 AM

The speeding ticket is the best :P

**JiraiyaTheSannin** · 06-25-09, 05:16 AM

Originally Posted by gatita_andy

OK you have to admit....... there cant be a joke thread without " blond jokes" so here they are.........

:9

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...Florida
or the moon?'

The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida

??'

* * * * * * * * * *

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you!'

* * * * * * * * * *

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee
and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she
touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

* * * * * * * * * *

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever
heard of someone naming dogs like that?'

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'

Andy

Not bad andy, not bad at all :9