Thread: Joke Time! Got a joke? then lets here it!

Four golfing buddies were out on the course playing their weekly game, and Jack is having the day of his life. He's hitting the ball farther than any of them can remember, and sinking almost every putt.

On the eighteenth hole, Jack has got a 25-foot putt for birdie to finish off the best game he's ever played. As he's lining up the putt, a funeral procession appears and is coming down the road towards them. Jack stands up, lays down his putter, walks to the edge of the green, takes off his hat, bows his head, and stands there in silence. After the entire procession has passes by, Jack puts his hat back on, picks up the putter, and sinks the putt.

An hour or so later, as Jack is ordering another round of drinks for the guys at the bar, one of his buddies turns to him and says: "You know Jack, I wanted to tell you that I was really impressed with the respect you showed by stopping in the middle of your big game for that funeral procession. Not many of these guys have that kind of class."

Jack's face became grave and he paused for a few seconds before replying:

"Well, we were married for 39 years."

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating
table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians!
Everything inside them is color-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers.
Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at
the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all
wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no
heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two
moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable'

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

nice.. I told this joke in another thread, but it never gets old.

So Farrah Fawcett dies and goes to heaven. She get's to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter says, "I'll give you one wish before I let you through." So Farrah says, "I want all the children in the world to be safe."

St. Peter says, "Alright, I can do that."

BAM - a week later Michael Jackson dies and goes to heaven. As Michael gets to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter gives him the same deal. So Michael says, "I want to be whiter."

St. Peter says, "Alright, no problem."

BAM - a week later Billy Mays dies and shows up to the Pearly Gates with a box of OxyClean.