return!

**The Reaper** · 12-01-06, 08:30 PM

Right.. well ifyou payed attention you may remember I poed before about me and my bs tmte being alittle bit close and how I'd fallen for her.

Anyway tonight I found out she was seein this other fella. he's a nice enoughguy but she'd told m they were just friends.. and I trusted that. Anyway tonight her mspace had a bug and I offered to fix the code for her. So she gave me her password and I fixed her code.. but then i decided I HAD to find out for sure and that perhaps if read her mails I'd know. yea I was wrong to do that. So yea, I saw her mail to him, sayin she wanted to call it quits, Its not that I got hurt over, themail also said shd only agreed with the things I said to please me.

Since my last post me and her had decidd to be friends, but we got closer and closer, now we are almost a couple and I want her so much. Anyway upon reading said mail I confronted her online saying I was hurt as she'd lied and that shed broken her promises to me about being honest. When I was with her I knew she was feeling guilty, but didn't know why. I know she likes me and didnt undertand what the barrier was.. (I must also sy that she has OCDs about being physically touched, so much that most people cant hold herhand, kiss her, or touch her flesh, however I can do all of that, so shes clearly relaxed around me)

we fell out online, she asked if I wanted the true story, so I said yea.

She told me the truth is/was that she'd gotten drunk one night, which knowing her is someowhat likely, lol, and she'd kissed him. She said she knew she'd lied to me. She said since then she'd started feeling for me more.. but that she carried on 'seeing' him to see what she felt.

Then she asked if I wanted to know what her conclusion was, again I said yes, of course I want to know.

She told me she loved me more than she ever wanted to and that she cares for me more than shed wants to.. and that she doesnt know what to do..

She said she was trying to let the other fella down softly, cus she doesnt want to lie to him, dont get me wrong hes a good guy and I'd hate to see him get real hurt. Anyway then she went offline... and sent a text, saying since I checked her mails I cant trust her and so wouldnt believe what she had to say...

And I had my first ever panic attack after that. I replied telling her I was havin a panic attack and that I dont wanna lose her and if she can forgive me i can forgive her too. I dont give second chances, its not in my nature, but if ANYONE should get one, surely it should be her..?

I couldnt breathe, I was shaking like fury, uncontrollably crying.. I shouted at my mum and she got upset.. I decided what Id do was run to to her hometown(lol dunno why i thought that'd work) but I decided if i followed the train tracks id either get there or get killed, either outcome seemed fair decent really.

Anyway she called me in the end and we talked.. I calmed down and remembered I have lungs. She said she loves me and that she was going to tell me when she'd let the other guy down.. and got out of that situation, and I honestly believe that. I can see that she was trying to protect my feelings, she knew I'd be jealous of him... and quite rightly says she didnt know how I'd take it. yes she was wrong, she should have told me.. but both of us have lied really. I feel bad for decieving her by reading her mails and she feels bad too.

Anyway she sent a text a little later saying she wants me to take care, that she'll talk to me tomorrow and that she loves me... (if your wondering she has said thatshe loves me face to face, its not the first time she'd said it, but when she said it face to face it was thursday)

So to conclude.. I want to ask everyone what they think I should do...

On one hand she says she loves me, and I know from being with her she likes me, but also she lied about being single.. then again she was seeing where things went.. one thing she said to me in blackburn was so utterly confusing. She said that "no matter what, you'll always be my number 1" and that made me wonder what was going on...

Also I decieved her by reading her mails, but then again I shouldnt have needed to do that either.. I think she wants to do what's best.

So one of three things can happen now... either:

1. She's lying her ass off to me and is gonna be seeing the other fella.

or

2. In a very odd way.. I just got my girl...

What would YOU do if you were me? Please, I already know what I'm gonna do, but I want to see if anyone reads the situation differently, so that I can perhaps have a better view of it..

**Karova** · 12-01-06, 11:44 PM

dont buy into her man shes a nut case. Besides theres plenty of other good lookin girls for my reaper

**Dr.Fritz** · 12-02-06, 01:33 AM

From the way you post she sounds like she is truley sorry. It also seems that you like her quite alot as well.
I say that you continue your relationship with her, but if you ever suspect shes cheatin, you probably want to break off the relationship.

**The Reaper** · 12-02-06, 03:44 AM

Originally Posted by Karova

dont buy into her man shes a nut case. Besides theres plenty of other good lookin girls for my reaper

Yep, she's mental and I love it. Don't forget, even if I dont go ino a relationship with her she's still my best mate... and it isn't about her looks, it's about her personlity, her caring nature... I'm also fairly mental, so we're equal

Originally Posted by Dr.Fritz

From the way you post she sounds like she is truley sorry. It also seems that you like her quite alot as well.
I say that you continue your relationship with her, but if you ever suspect shes cheatin, you probably want to break off the relationship.

She called this morning, shes meant to be at work, but she called to say sorry (phoning on the job i sackable as shes not meant to have a mobile phone on her) and shes comin over on tuesday (we can see each other at weekends, due to her working plus her parents are..difficult to say the least)

So when she sees me it will have been four months since I first had feelings like that for her.. I think she wanted to get out of what shes currntly in and then tell me about it, so its not like she really aimed to lie to me. Though in less than 12 hours she's said sorry at least 20 times... which whn you think about the fact I slept for 8 of those hours, is kinda a lot of sorry..

She's gonna call again on her lunch break too.

**Mr Psi** · 12-02-06, 04:52 AM

Do you love her? If so, you have no choice but to go for it. If you don't, it's not worth the pain.

**The Reaper** · 12-02-06, 06:32 AM

Yea I do love her. Anyway she did call again, she cried over the phone too. I believe her when she says her lies werent malicious... shes told the ohter fella she cant be with him today. She said that he was jealous of my friendship with her anyway and that he dosnt undesand her.
Shes told me she doent want to be in a relationship yet, she wants to try and sort her had out first and I wll be there for hr. I too have some issues so we'll be there fo each other.

Then.. when we both feel ready the odds are we will get togther, but it wont happen this year...

All I can do is give her time, be there for her and then hope.
Laving hr is not not option and if you think it is then you fail to understand how I feel for her.

**imported_Chris** · 12-02-06, 05:38 PM

In this instance, if she is truly sorry for what she did, then by all means necessary, give her a second chance. However, if she does anything of consequence, no matter the severety, then give her the boot.