Thread: Kids and parents these days.

That chair makes him look like a little person with a complex...

Hmmm i agree with him on a lot of points.But i get the vibe that hes the type to do a lot of the "do it, because i said so".


From a psyc standpoint, my 5 cents on parenting:
best way to gain respect and lessen the intensity of the rebellious phase: be firm but explain the WHY behind your reasoning. If they understand why, they wont be so inclined to think its so stupid and rebel.

Ya shes got it easy, damn easy, and you had it damn hard. But explain what you gained from doing it the hardway. Give incentives for a job, if she wants a laptop, split the cost with her, say she pays x% (start with something reasonable, like 10-30%) and you pay the rest, move up from there. If you can make the incentive for independence her idea, shell embrace it, rather than reject it and refuse to get a job.






A lot of parents get lost in the battle by trying to maintain absolute dominance. Arguments turn into yelling, parents match with more yelling. Children question parents choices, parents refuse to explain, etc. This is a horrible approach, by doing this, you make parenting an us vs them battle, not what you want, right?

Dont blindly ban something, (e.g. alcohol, drugs, late nights with some boy). "i can only show you the door, you have to be the one to walk through it". You cant teach someone some message or lesson, without them experiencing it, or learning it for themselves. Let him try a little alcohol, that way drinking wont feel like a taboo and they wont sneak out with friends to commit it. Give em some horror stories about old friends going to parties, trying some drugs getting passed around, only to find out it was some extremely addictive substance and their whole lives spiraling down or women who've become pregnant in high school. Ultimately they are still not learning first hand, but you at least give them some insight and reason to be cautious, but in the end they are going to have to learn first hand to really get it.



Know whats more powerful than that video? Guilt. How about, Your daughter coming home to find her laptop missing. Comes out to the kitchen / living area, to find the father sitting solemnly. "Your mother and i saw the letter you wrote to us, your mother is upstairs crying... I didn't know you hated us so much... I cant believe you'd say those hateful things after i just helped fix your computer. Im dissapointed" *get up and walk away, if she hasn't left already*

See the difference is, you place the burden entirely on the child, you made it seem as though the family was fighting the battle together, only for the daughter to stab everyone in the back. She might rebel at first, when emotion sets in from the missing laptop but give it a day or two, to let the guilt sink in... You'll get a response much more significant than you'd expect.




And yes, i've had WAAAAAAAAAAAY to many psyc classes on child cognitive development. Eh see, too little sleep and i get loquacious. but again, this is just my opinion and psyc interpretation.

but shooting the laptop? Really? Not only is it incredibly violent and really does convey the wrong message, but why not just give it to charity? Same end result, you help someone in need, and save ammo?






but laptop got owned hahahahahaha. I wonder if anyone on that highway behind him heard the shots and freaked out XD

Sometimes Bunni.... you think too much. Your right though, and my approach to parenting over the last 20 years has been much like how you described. Stimulate the child into thinking things through so they come to the conclusion that what they did was wrong. Its much more powerful than "because i said so". As a result, its like i said, i cannot say i personally relate to his frustrations.

In this case there are too many variables we will never know, and perhaps, this is the one ploy that will "get through" to her.

Posting the video to YouTube is stooping to her level of writing on facebook imo.

This guy needs more being a stern, real parent instead of grandstanding on youtube. I get the impression his pride was hurt by what she posted and he's not taking it like a grown man. But hey, shooting a laptop with a gun, bet your buddies will think that's funny so it's all good.

Edit:

Originally Posted by Bunni

Know whats more powerful than that video? Guilt. How about, Your daughter coming home to find her laptop missing. Comes out to the kitchen / living area, to find the father sitting solemnly. "Your mother and i saw the letter you wrote to us, your mother is upstairs crying... I didn't know you hated us so much... I cant believe you'd say those hateful things after i just helped fix your computer. Im dissapointed" *get up and walk away, if she hasn't left already*

See the difference is, you place the burden entirely on the child, you made it seem as though the family was fighting the battle together, only for the daughter to stab everyone in the back. She might rebel at first, when emotion sets in from the missing laptop but give it a day or two, to let the guilt sink in... You'll get a response much more significant than you'd expect.

Managing a child through guilt and shame are also in the Bad Parenting 101 handbook. Successfully playing a mind game on a child/teenager is NOT being a good parent! Making your child understand why what they are doing is wrong is the key... that makes them not do it because they have become a better person instead of just making them feel so terrible about it they never do it again. Sometimes that means getting treated poorly by your child, but IMO that's what adults sign up for when they have a kid. Taking some hits to give their kid the best chance at happiness and being a complete person. I have never agreed with the "guilting" method of raising a kid and hate seeing parents use it on their kids.

Originally Posted by Alundil

YouTube dad says authorities pay visit; Daughter gets job offer | www.wsoctv.com

That's awesome.

Deja Vu!! D:

Originally Posted by Toad

This guy needs more being a stern, real parent instead of grandstanding on youtube. I get the impression his pride was hurt by what she posted and he's not taking it like a grown man. But hey, shooting a laptop with a gun, bet your buddies will think that's funny so it's all good.

As Monday Morning (or Arm Chair) Quarterbacking goes, this comment is a good stab at it......for a Tuesday. None of us know any of the backstory other than what's been communicated through the media (which is probably less than 5% to pull a number from thin air). With that said, posting to YouTube might have been another valid lesson in their home revolving around "posting private business" on "public forums". But we don't know that either. And by assuming that he's some kind of butt hurt bumpkin who lacks "real parenting" and who's ace card is "YouTube grandstanding" your stereotyping is showing

Originally Posted by Toad

Managing a child through guilt and shame are also in the Bad Parenting 101 handbook. Successfully playing a mind game on a child/teenager is NOT being a good parent! I have never agreed with the "guilting" method of raising a kid and hate seeing parents use it on their kids.

Should certain actions result in feelings of guilt for injuring or harming or damaging someone or something? Or is everything hunkydory regardless of method or outcome? What is shame and what will generate shamed feelings in a person? Is life "shame free?" Will insulating them at home prevent them from ever feeling guilt or shame once they strike out on their own? I highly doubt it. Or will insulating them from that leave them unprepared for reality when it settles in almost immediately upon their taking up the mantle of adulthood?

I don't know if you have kids or not, but there is no "Parenting 101" Handbook (Good or Bad).

Originally Posted by Toad

Making your child understand why what they are doing is wrong is the key... that makes them not do it because they have become a better person instead of just making them feel so terrible about it they never do it again.

Your statement assumes that parent, in general, purposefully attempt to guilt or shame as the crux of the teaching moment. However it could be that in teaching the child what is right and wrong, and through the growth of that child into that better person you allude to, causes the child via conscience to feel guilt or shame for his or her actions. The key, at that moment, is to not enforce the shame and/or guilt but to pull the child up out of it with further teaching and discussion about why they feel that way and how certain actions or mistakes might cause those and how to avoid them in the future.

Originally Posted by Toad

Sometimes that means getting treated poorly by your child, but IMO that's what adults sign up for when they have a kid. Taking some hits to give their kid the best chance at happiness and being a complete person.

This is incorrect. No parent has signed up for abuse by choosing to become a parent. Nor did I sign up to be treated poorly by my child simply by dint of it's birth. In fact, that is one of the most important times to teach a child. Because what they will do to their parent(s) they will do to anyone else without a moment's thought. Treat mommy and daddy like shit....no penalties but a "talking to" because there is no legal recourse for the parents easily translates into treat boss like shit (cause it always worked growing up).....however boss will simply fire your ass and go on with business like nothing ever happened. That person is a distasteful "blip on the radar". Easily dismissed and easily forgotten. No one lets their child (or no one should let) walk all over them under some misguided assumption that they will miraculously turn out to be conscientious people later on.