Are you a Troll or Warlock?

**Scrum** · 03-17-11, 11:20 AM

YouTube - Exclusive: Charlie Sheen Says He Will Sue (02.28.11)

Discuss - are you a troll or warlock? Will you love and hate violently? Which one are you and why? What are your troll/warlock traits? Who are your other favorites warlocks and hated trolls?

As for me, I definitely strive to be a warlock:

Scrum's Key Warlock Traits:

- Best ever party coordinator/part thrower, can throw a kickass time with limited warlock budgetry
- An emperor of wordsmithery, I always bring a badass sense of kick-assery
- My warlock cooking is second to none
- I make love on par with the same ferocious tiger that's blood runs through my veins
- Can induldge my liver and brain with unprecidented amounts of alcohol, pass out, vomit, bleed through my nose, wake up, drink and make tiger love within a 7 hour time frame.
- Destroy terrorits, counter terrorist, zombies and trolls on a daily basis
- Play golf violently with a warlock handicap of 15.
- Enjoy kick ass sports game and current fantasy football champion
- Last but not least, I fart gold and whizz science

Unfortunate Troll Traits:

- My participation in skullduggery makes this warlock sleep in late and procrastinate househould duties
- Missing work out times has detrimental effects to my tiger blood
- Troll memory

Favorite Warlocks:

- Charlie Sheen
- Gordon Keith
- Scarlett Johonson
- The inventor of the Chicago Dog
- Elijah Craig
- Dave Chappel
- Dexter

Hated Trolls:

- Whoever started unlimited funds for politcal campaigns
- Snobs
- The owner of the Los Angeles Clippers
- Whoever started reality TV
- Osama Bin Laden
- Lindsey KardashianHiltonSpearsCyrusLohan
- The Situation
- Corrupt Businessmen and politicians

**Toker** · 03-17-11, 11:48 AM

Scrum

**Gumby** · 03-19-11, 12:13 PM

Ok, I will go.
I absolutely strive to be a warlock every day.

Gumby's Key Warlock Points
-Best sex joke maker ever. I have an uncanny ability for sexual innuendo. Almost any statement can become a dirty joke around me.
-Technical Wizardry. I am the best technomancer I know. Every electronic gizmo or gadget I touch is instantly overclocked and tuned for maximum performance.
-I make love like Kratos (yes THAT Kratos) I take the women I want and they are happy to oblige. When I am done, they are usually so exhausted from the experience that they are unavailable for further lovemaking for several days and often refuse to be with lesser men for the rest of their lives. I was taught cunnilingus by a pair of lesbians (true story) and my skills are second to no man.
-I can consume large volumes of bier. In my extensive time in Germany, I have discovered the Warlock secrets to drinking huge volumes of bier without getting drunk or fat.
-Warlock Driving Skills. Few non-professional drivers can match my driving skills. Be it weaving through traffic on the autobahn at 260 kph or manuvering a large van through the narrow streets of Florence, I can do it all. I often have to tell my passengers that it would probably be better if they just closed their eyes and trust me. I am planning on buying a high performance car soon (I just cannot settle on the one I want) and attacking the Nürburgring this summer.
-Every day, I destroy super-villains, Nazis, zombies, or aliens in such large numbers, that I am Warlock Legend.
-I am nigh-invulnerable to physical pain. I attribute this to my innate warlock toughness.
-Warlock Chess skills. Yes it can be a contact sport.

My Troll Traits
-I procrastinate at pretty much everything. I think I may finish my degree by the time I am 40 for example and my car has needed washing since 2005.
-Troll like ability to recall anything technical while forgetting trivial things like birthdays and anniversaries.

My favorite warlocks
Hugh Hefner
John Carmack
Dave Mustaine
German bier-brewing Monks
The guy that invented the hamberger
Hannibal of Carthage
Pablo Fransisco

Most Hated Trolls
RIAA
Jerry Jones
Anyone that belongs to a political party
Anyone who's title is or includes "Reality TV Star"
Flavor-Flav
All copyright or patent trolls
WBC

**Scrum** · 03-21-11, 10:52 AM

Dude Gumby that's awesome man!!! Tell me your beer secret now!

Okay I know we have more warlocks out there! Come on!

**Gumby** · 03-21-11, 04:00 PM

you can only learn this by visiting Germany and spending time with the Warlock Bier Monks (VBM)

**Graverunner** · 03-21-11, 05:30 PM

Grave's Warlock Attributes
-My snowboarding skills border on mystical, I carve through the snow and ice with arcane edges and a casual grace that only a true Warlock could have.
-Invisibility- If I want I can make you forget I am in the room. I can shift in and out of reality at will, cracking a joke that makes the whole room laugh and disappearing before anyone remembers what they are laughing at.
-My grasp of logic, critical thinking, and common sense is well, altogether uncommon.
- Blacker than the blackest black, times infinity, I am the most metal warlock on the planet. Be my knowledge of lore or simply the Metal-as-an-adjective-with-a-capitol-m way I live my life.
- A warlock to the people. For warlocks and trolls alike, to know me is to love me.
-Arch-Warlock of catch phrase. Quite simply my warlock mind moves much faster than others, and lets me read into other peoples body language much better. Playing this game with me is like playing with a computer that already has the answers.
-The trials of my warlock training have given me a hardy constitution. Wether we be climbing mountains or swimming in the sea. I set an aggressive pace,I can hold my breath the longest, swim the farthest, climb the highest, punch bears the fastest, you name it. The wilderness is my warlocks tower.
My Troll Traits
-Avoidant of problems, I should be much more of a master over my domain.
-Lazy, us warlocks have stuff we need to get done. You know, magic and stuff.
-Complaining. I used to never do this and it's one of my main warlock goals to stop.
-Silence. Sometimes I need to speak up on occasions other than casting bitchin spells or awesome jokes.

Favorite Warlocks
Trey parker and Matt Stone
Slash
Russel Brand
Cool old people
Ozzy Osbourne
Scandinavians
John lajoie

Hated Trolls
the entire cast of glee
hipsters
politicians
John Mayer