SpecOps needs some advice.

**SovietDooM** · 05-25-13, 08:19 AM

If you do contact her, just don't ever forget who was there every day of your life growing up.

**Sly** · 05-25-13, 09:31 AM

I had a brother and sister adopted out. The best thing that happen to our family and especially my late mom was one of them contacted us. I say you must contact her. It was the most odd for my mom because she thought she had questions to answer but there was no need. Worst case scenario she wants nothing to do with you. I doubt that's the case. My brother who contacted us always considered his adopted family to be Mom and Dad but definitely helped my Mom getting to know him. It seemed to ease some of her skeletons. For me there is only one answer, contact her. I believe there is huge benefits in doing so.

**SpecOpsScott** · 05-25-13, 07:07 PM

Interesting that a lot of you guys are encouraging to make contact. Great arguments to do so as well. Im happy with avoiding making contact out right. My family and i had discussed it and they are not prepared for the possible outcomes. However, i will most likely keep an eye out for the chance encounter..... let the chips fall where they may.

**Guyver** · 05-25-13, 08:55 PM

I'm not adopted, but I've never met my father. Sadly, he passed away in Dec.

If you have a chance to meet her, and you really want too...do it.

**Mr_Blonde_OPS** · 05-25-13, 09:04 PM

If I were in your shoes I would have that un-dying curiosity to meet the human who gave birth to me. I think it is completely in your right to contact your birth mother. See how it goes and whether it is a positive situation or not. I can't speak from experience, but I would think that this would be something that would bother me for the rest of my life(if I never made an attempt). I would rather confront it sooner rather than later.

Just from the small amount that I know you Scott, I know you are a great human being. I hope the situation goes well.

**ATEXANnHISGUN** · 05-25-13, 09:29 PM

I wouldn't consider it his right, she gave him up and was kind enough not to abort him. I don't see how he has any RIGHT to intrude into her life in any way.

on the other hand blonde is right in the dieing from curiosity part...it will be painful and sad no matter how it goes. I have had friends go through this so I know via witnessing it. A letter is the best approach; you can say whatever you want & really take your time with it, make sure ALL your contact info is down and then send it.....if she contacts you back in a positive manner super get ready for pain and tears and if she never responds or it is negative get ready for pain and tears....

in the end a letter allows you to intrude into her life respectfully ,allowing her the time to adjust and make the same choices you had to make before contacting her.

I wish you well.

**Mr_Blonde_OPS** · 05-25-13, 09:58 PM

Originally Posted by Mr_Blonde_OPS

I think it is completely in your right to contact your birth mother.

Didn't specify how. In the end it is Scott's choice. Maybe I should have chosen a different word then 'right', but the thought that the child that was adopted would be intruding on his/her birth parents by trying to contact them just seems...low. I understand it could be extremely complex and filled with positive/negative emotions, but still, I don't think Scott or anyone else in his situation should have to hesitate and worry about his actions. Do what you want. If it turns out negative...screw them tbh, you obviously have done great without them.