Math, Science, and Engineering jokes

**salty99** · 10-15-13, 03:58 AM

For those of you left-brainers out there who've come across good jokes, puns, retorts, criticisms, stories, or witty observations - post 'em up.

A circle is a round straight line, with a hole in the middle.

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A Professor's enthusiasm for teaching precalculus varies inversely with the likelihood of his having to do it.

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Golden rule for math teachers: You must tell the truth, and nothing but the truth; but not the whole truth

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My personal favorite:

Q: Why aren't jokes in octal funny?
A: Because 7, 10, 11

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Q: What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
A: A senior high school math problem

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Here's one for Hannibal -

This is a one line proof if we start sufficiently far to the left

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Here's one I made up:
First law of engineering mathematics - all infinite series will converge, and furthermore, converge to the first term

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Mathematics is making a beautiful conjecture which is soiled by an ugly fact.

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Mathematics is the systematic misuse of a nomenclature developed for precicely that purpose -
Computer Science is the systematic misuse of a mathematical nomenclature for use on a computer

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If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
-- Isaac Newton

In the sciences, we are now uniquely priveleged to sit side by side with the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
-- Gerald Holton

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.
-- Hal Abelson

Mathematicians stand on eachother's shoulders.
-- Grauss

Mathematicians stand on eachother's shoulders while computer scientists stand on eachoter's toes.
-- Richard Hamming

It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders. If this is the case then programmers stand on one another's toes and software engineers dig eachother's graves.
-- Unknown

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These days, even the most pure and abstract mathematics is in danger of being applied.

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Cat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.

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For the EE's and those familiar with complex analysis:

"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."

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**rush2049** · 10-15-13, 10:11 AM

I know this great UDP joke but you might not get it

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ack ack ack - Stop nagging me already.....

**WileECyte** · 10-15-13, 11:36 AM

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

**rush2049** · 10-15-13, 11:58 AM

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who didn't expect this joke to be in base three.

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There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand hexadecimal and F the rest.

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Why do mathematicians confuse halloween and christmas? Because OCT 31 equals DEC 25.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first mathematician orders 1 pint, the second one a 1/2 pint, the third a quarter, then an eighth. Eventually the barman hands over two pints and says 'You mathematicians, you just don't know your limits.'

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a six offender.

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Two cats are standing on a roof. Which one falls off first? The one with the smaller μ.

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What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing! You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

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There was once a band called 1023 MB. They never made their first gig.

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Why did the trigonometric functions have a hard time finding an apartment? Because tangent wouldn't cosign.