When did you know? (Need help from Dads)

**Gonzo0100** · 06-30-08, 02:37 PM

When did you know it was time to start having children? Given I know it isnt always planned, but in this case it will be. My wife and I have been through a lot in our first year of marriage (she had a very rare form of cancer, but is now on the way to a full recovery). We have been together for about 5 years, knowing eachother for 8. We both wants kids and have fully discussed everything that goes with it. We have never set a time though. Lately I have had this feeling of boredom that can not be quenched by anything. We live a pretty active lifestyle, from riding dirtbikes, to friends, to well anything and everything fun. I just walk around our house like something is missing. We have 2 dogs and a lizard, and they are our babies. They are better taken care of than some peoples children.

I know quite a bit about children (I helped raise my niece for 5 years), and I know they cost TONS of money. We currently own a 2 bedroom condo less than a mile from the beach in Orange County. We definitely would sell and move a bit inland to get a larger home. My wife currently works part-time just to keep her busy and you can never have too much money. She also comes into my business and helps out when need be. We can defintely survive without her income, especially if we move. We both want kids, and up until recently we were just too busy and having too much fun to even think about it. I have talked to her and if we do decide to take the plunge it wouldnt be for about another year while we move / and she recovers to 100%.

When did your light bulb turn on? Was it something like this? Am I having a mini mid-life crisis? Should I wait and enjoy things longer? I am 22, and I understand that is young, though I am very old (as is she) for my age. I own a business so my hours are flexible. hrm......

**grayman** · 06-30-08, 02:56 PM

Read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

May not help with the kids thing but may help explain the "boredom" thing and how to quench it

**Kraker Jak** · 06-30-08, 02:57 PM

i aint a dad, but i always told myself i will "attempt on purpose" to have a kid when iam financially stable....basically thats all I see. I want like 23050 kids, like a huge family, but i want to make sure i can afford it first.....

If she is ready...stop makin her swallow....there ya go

**Gonzo0100** · 06-30-08, 03:30 PM

HAHA! We are financially stable. As far as boredom with her, its not her or our bedroom relationship (or anywhere relationship for that much

) Just a different feeling that I have never known before.

When the time does come we are shooting for 2-4 kids. I want at least 1 boy and 1 girl. My wife is a twin, and I have close family that has twins in it. So we might be going two at a time, would be nice to get a boy/girl set!

**BiscuitBoy** · 06-30-08, 05:28 PM

Kids aren't that expensive when they are young if they are healthy.  Formula and diapers will run you about $300 a month I would estimate.  If your wife breast feeds you can cut that in half.  If you have good medical coverage the pregnancy isn't that expensive, if you don't you will want to check into that.  We didn't plan for our kid but we were ready when we had him.

I would just make sure you talk about it with your wife and decide that is what you really want.  Be ready to give up a lot of your hobbies when you have your little one for at least a few years, and be prepared to deal with your wife for 9 months in a bitchy state.

I would also make sure your pets are baby friendly and if they aren't think about contacting the Dog Whisperer 

.  We got lucky with our dog (beagle) he is very baby friendly and they are best buds.  My kid is almost 2 now and it has been quite the experience.  I wouldn't trade him for the world, we just took him to sea world and he had an absolute blast.  As a dad I would say you kind of fall in love and get to know your child where mom's are instantly in love and know the child because they carried them for 9 months.  The first year and a half isn't very fun, a lot of crying, feeding, changing, and they can't do much.  After that you get to start playing with them, throwing balls, playing T-ball, tickling them to death, taking them places, etc.

Just make sure you are financially stable with a reliable job first and then go for it!  I think you know you are ready when you start looking at family and friends children and noticing how adorable they are and find yourself wanting to take them home for the weekend. 

I say if you can afford it go for it!

**jabberwock** · 06-30-08, 06:36 PM

I love kids, but have none (99.5% sure) thus far. I think if you're asking these questions it just may be time. One of my best damn friends in this world has a near 2 year old who's named after me, and the little bastard, running wildly around sullying my good name is my god son, too! The father's 27, and he's happy as can be.

There's definitely less free time for parents, and some serious adjusting to do, but the quality of life actually improves from what I've observed in those close to me.

Ask yourself what you want to accomplish and do... For me the answer, aside from being happy and a positive influence on my surroundings, is do a good job raising kids. All the rest can fuck right off for all I care.

**Gumby** · 06-30-08, 07:14 PM

I married young, but before we were married, my wife was told by doctors that she could probably never have kids. I was aware of this when we married. I just planned to not have any, at least in a traditional way. So when a couple of years later, she was unexpectedly pregnant with our first, I was very happy. But there was no planning to it.

If you wait until the timing is perfect to have them due to career or education or whatever, you will never have them.

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