Thread: I AM a cheater...and I admit it

I figured in light of recent events, I'd come clean. Yes, I cheated on my girlfriend Hailey for personal reasons. I was selfish, a dog, and a jerk. But I will explain everything.

First off, me and my girl have been dating for a year and a half, and had broken up once prior to the incident. I couldn't help her with her personal issues and I wanted out. I broke her heart, at least that's what I thought. As time went by I was getting worse, my anger had risen again, something I thought I buried when I graduated middle school. I wasn't much of a fighter, but you could say I was considered unstable, hence my avatar. She kept me happy, I didn't realize that until she was gone. And by luck, we met up again at a German club meeting, and immediately started dating again, I missed her so much and I didn't want to leave her ever again.

But then after a 2 months, a weakness. She had a friend she had known for two years and who I considered the only person my girlfriend would ever cheat on my with. One, because she's bi and this friend happened to be a girl, who she was undeniably close to. She cut ties with her because her friend dated an ex, something nobody has the right to do, it's crossing the line and it's betrayal in some ways. Betrayal of trust and friendship which I thought they had. My girlfriend started cutting, not because of the ex, but because her friend didn't care. She didn't care for her feelings and that hurt her deeply.

Her friend started talking to her again....which outright pissed me off. The girl caused my woman to cut, she hurt her emotionally, and I would not let her even speak a word to her. But my girlfriend missed her, she wanted her best friend back. I was hurt....

But even more so, she was afraid of me. Afraid of sex in general, curious, but afraid. I couldn't understand it, why did she have to be afraid of me? I wasn't like her other boyfriends who left her for other trashy girls. I wanted her, so bad it hurt. We tried over and over again, but her fear would stop her every time. But more so, she didn't want kids. I started thinking about the future when she told me she would even go as far as a getting her tubes tied not to have kids. She told me over and over again that she would change her mind, she has so much time before she would have kids. But that made me feel worse. We would never be able to break the barriers between us if she never wanted any physical affection from me. Yes sex is included, but it's more than that, it's the emotional part as well. Kisses, hugs, cuddling, all those things are precious because they are a expression of love. Both are needed for the love to flourish, without both, it becomes painful.

Then she came, a 22 year old girl who I knew since I was a kid. She talked to me and I talked to her about our problems. I felt so close....so weak....I wanted her.....just because I was weak...and I needed someone to love me back.....I regret it, I can't express how much I regret that night. It tore my now ex girlfriend's heart out, and mine as well, I never felt so guilty in all my life. No pain that I felt before was worse than this. We broke up again....painfully and miserably....like we've been left without a soul.

But the woman was there for me, so I flung to her. To try and numb the pain, for two weeks I tried. I did things to her that honestly, I wish I never did, she didn't deserve that, not from me. As for my ex, I was worried sick about her. I'd ask her friends how she was and even my teachers. Not everyday, but I could her feel her pain every time I walked into school. For 2 weeks I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't.....I loved her, with every fiber of my being. And no matter how hard I tried, she was a part of me. So I broke it off with my childhood friend, knowing that I could NOT have a relationship with another woman in this condition. She understood, and we stayed friends for a while.

But I didn't last long.....I wanted to hear my ex-girlfriend's voice again. So I texted her, almost immediately she texted me back. I told her I missed her, and she missed me. We talked and talked, I told her I wanted her back, that I want her in my life again......she felt the same. We immediately started dating again.

However, the story doesn't end here.

On Valentines day I took the woman out on a date as a friend, just as a friend. And on that same day she met my friend Esquire, my best friend since my Sophomore year of high school, before I even met my now current girlfriend. Gypsy (as she liked to be called) and Esquire became friends in their own way. She was a wicken, and Esquire was as well (I think so at least), so they immediately connected. When Gypsy found out I was back with my high school sweetheart, she flipped, knowing what she did about her and me. So guess what.......she started dating Esquire. Behind my back of course, I know I shouldn't care, but two things, one, she was 22 and he is 16, why would she date him if she knew she'd get in trouble. Second, why him? Out of everyone else, why did she choose my best friend? Luckily, when he found out how angry I was about this, he told her they should stay just friends. She didn't like it of course. But Esquire knew how I felt, and he didn't want this to come between us. We are still friends, and we will be for as long as we live. He's like a brother to me and I'll always be there to help him.

And because of this and because of Cupcake (my gf's nickname), I decided to confess my sin. I am sorry, dreadfully sorry, to everyone who was involved in this, all because of me. I won't be able to make up for it, but at least now, YOU can all see and read what kind of person I am. I try so hard to be good, but I always hurt the people closest to me. I am sorry, and I wish I could take it back, I wish I was a virgin again.

Man, everyone makes mistakes, it will hurt for a while, yes. But you did make a mistake, and there is no turning back on it now. Live and let live brother.

wow....

well about the virginity thing, you can go into a promised 2nd virginity, I saw a speaker once that discussed that sort of thing "saving it for marriage" it was interesting. if it bothers you so much you could make that sort of a promise between you and your gf or you and God

high school is tough but remember:

Life is like a roller coaster, there are ups and downs but it is always one hell of a ride.

I just found out those two are still dating........

kinda of off-topic but how is it betraying a friendship to date your friends ex? your not going out with them so why shouldn't your friend be able to if they wanna. Hell i tell my friends if i know they like the girl i was dating that they are all theirs.