Your family puts you in a corner.

**Jonas Quin** · 03-29-10, 03:07 AM

So heres the deal, my sister is having trouble in school and the like, nothing too bad, just over extending herself and having to let something go. We all been there(except bunni) so my Dad is being really chill about it cause with his mom dieing this is just too trivial for him t get worked up over.

The twist is that my mom is not. She's taken a whole bunch of stuff from my sister privileges wise. FaceBook, texting, etc. this is ok i guess, a little harsh but whatever, not my call. Thing is that my sisters not really opening up to her and my mom knows she talks to me about this stuff.

Now my mom has asked me to tell her whats going on with my sister, i.e. tell her what my sister isn't telling her...

As far as I know, my sister's a good kid, no drugs, no booze, hanging with the right crowd ,nothing that i think that my mom needs to know.

But i feel that one way or another, I hurt someone here.

I tell my mom that theres nothing she needs to know, she gets pissed.

I tell her what i know, my sister gets burned for trusting me.

for the moment im going with trust being more important than my mom being a bit pissed off.

Thoughts?

**DancingCorpse** · 03-29-10, 03:19 AM

Considering all things in life go well, your sister is going to out live your mom.

But if you do know anything that does call for concern, either you step up to the plate and lay down some words that get it through her head exactly what it is she is choosing to do with her life by doing those things, or you let your mom know so she can do that. What would help is if you are doing it in conjunction with your mother to make it look like you are using your mother as support in this, and not just blabbing about it all and letting your mother handle it.

But if all your mom is gonna do is just take away more privileges (control freak, doesn't really care for her) and make it so your sister just wants to do it more and feels more alienated, it won't help, so you would HAVE to man up and do it yourself.

**reject_wolf** · 03-29-10, 03:32 AM

Originally Posted by Jonas_of_Hand

for the moment im going with trust being more important than my mom being a bit pissed off.

This, but telling your sister to tell your mom her problems wont be a bad idea. I would never ruin my brothers trust just like he would not ruin mine, but he is a very level headed kid and wont get into stupid shit.

**Consultant** · 03-29-10, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by DancingCorpse

But if all your mom is gonna do is just take away more privileges (control freak, doesn't really care for her)

That's quite an assumption. Just because mom is out of ideas and resorts to this form of "punishment" doesnt mean she doesnt care for her daughter.

1 in a million parents probably dont love their kids, otherwise you are talking out your ass.

If you are holding anything back from your mom that your sister told you then there must be something important about it.

I'd talk to your sister and tell her that you care about her and that she needs to come clean with your mom, for the sake of everybody's sanity. If mom is freaking out assuming your sister is on drugs and the real story is that she just has an older boyfriend that she doesnt want mom to know about, the house can save a lot of drama just getting it out in the open.

Encourage your sister to be honest with your mom. In the long run, that's what will work out for the best.

**Langrad** · 03-29-10, 12:38 PM

I wouldnt say "Nothing you need to know" but rather something more like "From what iv seen and shes told me she isnt doing anything wrong, no drugs, no drinking, and her friends are the same." Try telling your mom you think your sister just over exteded herself with her classload or whatever.

If you are to defensive about it your mom will think your hiding something if your to open your sister will be unhappy. Like consultant said if your unhappy with this position try encouraging your sister to talk to your mom. Or tell your mom its not my business to tell you stuff but il try and get lil (insert girl name here) to be more open with you.

**DJ Ms. White** · 03-29-10, 12:40 PM

Say that you don't feel right snitching.

**Graverunner** · 03-29-10, 12:48 PM

It isn't right or fair to put you in that position, tell your mother that it doesn't involve you.

**Jonas Quin** · 03-29-10, 12:52 PM

Thanks guys, its great to get some feedback on this.

The reason I don't want to give my mom a full window into her life is that they had one with me, I was open with them and I got burned for it, my social life just became another thing they took away when they were pissed with me.

I'll let you guys know how this progresses.

**...bigdog...** · 03-29-10, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by DancingCorpse

Considering all things in life go well, your sister is going to out live your mom.

a typical answer from someone that's not married, planing to have children, or most especially HAS children.

If your mom is asking you for help, then your loyalty is to your mom, and deferring to her judgement. This isn't about you doing what you're told. This is about you looking at the situation, realizing that your mom has a resume in this area of skill, and helping her do something she's asked you to do.

Do you make the situation worse? Try not to. Is your mom going to sell you out or use you as a weapon against your sister? Who knows. But at the end of the day, if you don't beleive your mother is trying to do what's best for her own daughter, you, and everyone else in your family....then you have MUCH bigger problems. I seriously doubt you know everything abiout your sister. I don't know everything about mine (and I'd like to keep it that way, honestly).

I doubt there is anything a parent ever wants to do less than ask someone for help in raising or getting to know their child. Likely, going to a sibling would be a first choice. But she's not doing it lightly.

of course, this all assumes your mom is acting to right an ACTUAL wrong, and not simply pushing people around because she's a mom and is crazy. That's......tyranny, and no one should have to live under that yoke. And I'm with you on that.

BUT...as you describe....your sister is having some issues, is doing things that aren't good, and requires discipline. So, defer to your mother, who is the EXPERT in this situation, as compared to you, and help. If you're still uncomfortable with it, then sit down with your mother privately (you sound like you are obviously out of the house and independent)....take her to lunch, have some coffee, whatever, and discuss your specific issues about loyalty and honesty, like adults would.

And don't listen to a single person in this thread that has bias against parents for no reason other than because "they're meanies" and they don't think they have ENOUGH privileges, allowance, XBoxes, or WoW time.

**...bigdog...** · 03-29-10, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by Jonas_of_Hand

The reason I don't want to give my mom a full window into her life is that they had one with me, I was open with them and I got burned for it, my social life just became another thing they took away when they were pissed with me.

So who's fault was that? The one who deserved to get pissed at?

Or are they just "getting pissed off for nothing", like you coming home at 3AM and smelling like beer and weed at 16 years old? (A HYPOTHETICAL, AND IN NO WAY BASED ON PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE OF ANYONE IN THIS THREAD, OR YOUR SISTER).