Sports from the Onion

**Kraker Jak** · 10-05-10, 12:26 AM

Can we make this a sticky, some articles are just awesome...

Brett Favre Apparently Undecided If He Will Return To Vikings This Season

MINNEAPOLIS—ESPN analyst John Clayton reported Monday that, after throwing four interceptions and just one touchdown in the first two games of the 2010-2011 football season, Brett Favre is still undecided about whether he will return to the Minnesota Vikings. "His lack of presence in either game shows that he has not yet committed to a yes or a no answer, though it would appear that he is leaning toward no," Clayton said on SportsCenter, adding that three veteran Vikings players traveled to Favre's locker last Sunday and begged him to return to the team during halftime of the week-two loss to the Dolphins

**ATXPLEX** · 10-05-10, 02:27 AM

that gave me a smile.

**Kraker Jak** · 10-05-10, 12:17 PM

NHL To Allow Finishing Moves In Fights This Season

NEW YORK—In a policy shift that seems to run counter to the recent emphasis on professional hockey as a game of speed and finesse, the NHL announced Wednesday that it will allow exceptionally graphic finishing moves for the 2010-2011 season. "At any point during an on-ice altercation, if one participant in a fight becomes dizzy or dazed, the arena announcer shall exclaim 'Finish him!'; whereupon the victor shall be given the choice of turning into a dragon and biting off his opponent's torso, ripping the other skater in half with a razor-sharp hat, or removing his hockey mask to reveal a fire-breathing skeletal face before burning his opponent to a crisp," the statement from the NHL Competition Committee read in part