Thread: Christmas with her family or mine?

Originally Posted by dex71

Did I read that right? Did she put an uncompromising Christmas with her Mother EVERY year ahead of her relationship with you?...."She gave me the option to leave"!?

If that is the case.....I will spare you my opinion....but I bet you can guess.

If that is the way she is going to handle a relatively small problem....How will she handle a real one?

Controlling much? Good grief....

I thought that at first, but I think he means she gave him the option to go visit his parents by himself for Christmas.

Originally Posted by ninja|oaklandr

Originally Posted by dex71

Did I read that right? Did she put an uncompromising Christmas with her Mother EVERY year ahead of her relationship with you?...."She gave me the option to leave"!?

If that is the case.....I will spare you my opinion....but I bet you can guess.

If that is the way she is going to handle a relatively small problem....How will she handle a real one?

Controlling much? Good grief....

I thought that at first, but I think he means she gave him the option to go visit his parents by himself for Christmas.

That is why I asked....I wasn't sure either.

On the one hand,although it kinda sucks,splitting up for the Holiday events is one compromise. The kid/s can see one set of Grandparents one year,and the other the next. That is how it works out in my family....If I see my cousins kids on Turkey Day,chances are they will be at their other Grandparents for Christmas.If I don't see them on Turkey Day,I look forward to seeing them on Christmas. They are only a month apart,and we see them other times of the year too. Both family's are entitled to spend Holidays with their kids/grandkids...not just one.

If it was the other interpretation,and it was an ultimatum....bags would be being packed. If threats of a break-up are flying over who to spend what holiday with,that is only a sign of things to come...and a sure-fire recipe for failure. Compromise is a two way street,and if one side doesn't see it that way,they are either too controlling or immature to be in any kind of relationship where kids or marriage are being thought of. There has to be the ability to compromise on BOTH sides.Not just one side capitulating all the time. That is no way to live for either side.

I think her mother needs to step up and realize that her little girl is now a grown woman who has her own hopes/desires.

Sounds controlling to me, which I guess is ok if you're into that sorta thing.

Do not fall for that uncompromising bullshit. Compromising is the foundation of any good relationship.

It is definately a tough situation. You read it right Dex, she gave me the option to leave the relationship. It was less of a threat but more of a concern on her end in me being uphappy down the road dealing with this.

The situation is tough because her family lives far away (Brasil) and mine live a 7 hour drive away. Wasn't always the case, I moved that far away from my family only a year ago. Eventually, we would like to move down to Austin (closer to my family in Houston and south Texas) when the economy gets better. Since we've moved this far away from my family, we've driven the 7 hour drive to my parents place in south Texas on five different occasions. I understand the need for compromising in relationships but she honestly feels like this is a reasonable compromise due to the fact we would be seeing her family once every year and my family several times a year on every other holiday. I can see her point of view. On the other end, I'd be sacrificing the specific holiday with my family. Technically, the holiday itself is just another day and she said we could see my family the weekend prior or something...

Originally Posted by jmw_man

It is definately a tough situation. You read it right Dex, she gave me the option to leave the relationship. It was less of a threat but more of a concern on her end in me being uphappy down the road dealing with this.

The situation is tough because her family lives far away (Brasil) and mine live a 7 hour drive away. Wasn't always the case, I moved that far away from my family only a year ago. Eventually, we would like to move down to Austin (closer to my family in Houston and south Texas) when the economy gets better. Since we've moved this far away from my family, we've driven the 7 hour drive to my parents place in south Texas on five different occasions. I understand the need for compromising in relationships but she honestly feels like this is a reasonable compromise due to the fact we would be seeing her family once every year and my family several times a year on every other holiday. I can see her point of view. On the other end, I'd be sacrificing the specific holiday with my family. Technically, the holiday itself is just another day and she said we could see my family the weekend prior or something...

That is a tough situation....but the big red flag is the threat to leave the relationship over something as trivial as a holiday.That is a shitty way of trying to control someone,and shows immaturity and selfishness.If that is the way she is going to handle a relatively small problem,how will things be when something big comes up? That is the real problem....she is willing to use your relationship as leverage to get what she wants. If she does that with this,whats next?

As for the smaller problem....What about flying her Mother and Brother in to you every other year? I'm sure they would be welcome at your family's holiday celebration. If Christmas is so important to her,she should be willing to compromise as well. After all,I'm sure your family would like to see you on Christmas too...they are just as entitled,aren't they?It may not be all that important to you,but I'm sure your family would like to spend Christmas with you and our family just as much...especially when Grandkids become part of the picture. Maybe every other year,you head for Brasil a week or two early and do it that way....she can have Christmas when you are there. That way,every other year,you both are with either her family on Christmas Day,or your family on Christmas Day. Like you said,technically it is just another day,so why would a week or two justify threatening the relationship? Also....maybe try to incorporate another trip to see her every other year....or fly her to you. I'm sure she would like to see the life her daughter is building.

There are so many ways to solve the small problems like this. It just takes a bit of creativity,and above all a willingness to compromise by ALL parties involved. To throw out the threat of leaving for such a trivial matter is not a good sign of things to come. If she is not willing to make the necessary compromises over a holiday visit,and would rather scrap the relationship than work towards an amicable solution to a minor problem....you have much bigger problems than just where to spend a day in December every year.

Option to leave :5 LAME

Switch every year.. who is she with you or her mom.. Cut the cord.

Hubby and I switch every year.. one year his fam next mine.. or we have even done the whole Christmas Eve with one then Christmas with the other..

If you can't compromise on the little things like this then ............ well I might know a few ladies

Good luck

Poop, best advice I can give you is screw both families and go on a cruise. :9