DonVitoJr

Losing control of my mind, wanting for the one i love. Becoming unhealthy from the pain that i feel. Not knowing how to deal with emotions that i have never felt before. Wanting so much in life, but struggling to grasp them. I don't know what to think anymore. I need help, but who would know how i feel. I cant explain my feelings because they are to great to put into words. Stress is known to take a person down, and i cant get back up. Stressed over the little things in life to some, but new and large to me. I cant cope with the stress over the decisions the one i love has made, but i know that i can not hurt her. I try to not hurt my self, but i cant stop thinking of her.

Every time her image appears, the stress takes me over. I cant overrun it. She means too much for me to be broken from it. I need relief. I need to feel normal when I'm around her. I never felt like this before, i don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. Distracting my self is only temporary and not healthy, for in the end i feel even more sickened. I must over come the obstacles i face now, but i trip on every one of them, not able to get up.

I only ask of those that I'm telling my story, to listen. It's the only way to express my self. But it's not enough, i still feel the sickness inside me. The only antidote to it, is her. I feel happy when she is, and angry when she is sad. Nobody should deserve what she is going through, i have been through them my self. Alone, with nobody to fully understand. She doesn't deserve to not feel loved.

I know that time will be on my side to help me feel better, but i wont be fully healed. As long as time is on my side, i might have a chance of getting healed, and getting rid of this sickness i have. This ordeal is nothing like i have been through before, this is something more permanent, more meaningful. I have chosen to put my self through this, but i did not expect the sickness that exists. Thinking that i was immune to it and would go one with life as it was, but only to find out it's contagious amongst all people.

Caring for her, comforting her, respecting her, listening to her, will only give me the antidote and give me a new lease on life. I must remain sane, i must not hurt my self or her in the name of love. I cant harm her, it's not my nature. I'm not that person, i don't want to be that person. I want to be the one who has been through the ordeal and made it out alive with the one i love. I don't want to be the one that failed and decided to make it out in a box with a marker. I don't have the mental state to think that. She is what keeps me sane. She is the one.