16,000 Diamondback fans Killed

**Alundil** · 09-10-10, 10:10 AM

Oh the humanity

http://www.nytimes.com/articles/16000-diamondbacks-fans-killed-on-complimentary-ra,18061/

PHOENIX—The Arizona Diamondbacks organization apologized to fans, their families, and the community at large Thursday after more than 16,000 people attending the previous night's game were killed by the poisonous Western diamondback rattlesnakes given out as part of Complimentary Rattlesnake Night.

"I feel terrible," Diamondbacks general manager Jerry Dipoto told reporters as emergency personnel working out of temporary triage stations around Chase Field injected antivenom into the estimated 23,000 victims who survived the initial wave of snakebites. "All we wanted to do was give people something that was symbolic of the Diamondbacks, something they could take home and keep to remember the team by."

**Kraker Jak** · 09-10-10, 10:11 AM

I heart you onion....

**dex71** · 09-10-10, 10:15 AM

You think they would have learned from that Chicago Bears incident.

**WileECyte** · 09-10-10, 10:19 AM

lol. Onion FTW.

**Alundil** · 09-10-10, 10:22 AM

Graham Rossini, the Diamondbacks' director of Special Projects and Fan Experience. "It's weird because they were such beautiful snakes, too. I think the problem was that we gave out a lot of older rattlesnakes, and apparently they can deliver much more venom."

"We probably should have given out baby rattlesnakes," he added.

The Diamondbacks organization has announced that it will donate all unclaimed rattlesnakes to a local children's charity next week. Until then, ticket holders who did not receive their rattlesnake may do so by sending the team a self-addressed stamped envelope and $8 to cover shipping and handling.

**Kraker Jak** · 09-10-10, 10:46 AM

Rofl...if yall have an Android phone...Go download Onions App.....its great....

**Bunni** · 09-10-10, 12:34 PM

hah, take that

**~~hawgballs~~** · 09-10-10, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by dex71

You think they would have learned from that Chicago Bears incident.

No shit. But on the flipside, the Golden Gophers night was rather tame.......

**Red_Lizard2** · 09-11-10, 02:19 AM

This joke article fails for 1 simple reason: There would never be near 40,000 people at Chase Field, they are lucky if the team even decides to show up.

**Kraker Jak** · 09-11-10, 02:34 AM

Originally Posted by Red_Lizard2

This joke article fails for 1 simple reason: There would never be near 40,000 people at Chase Field, they are lucky if the team even decides to show up.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/flo...shows-u,17891/

MIAMI—The Florida Marlins delayed the start of their game against the St. Louis Cardinals last Sunday when Steve, their fan, failed to show up at Sun Life Stadium by the scheduled 1 p.m. start time.
"That's strange," Marlins manager Edwin Rodriguez said while squinting up at their sole fan's unoccupied bleacher seat. "It's not like him to be late, especially on a Sunday. And this is his last chance to see us before we go on the road for 10 days."
"Well, we can't really start without him," added Rodriguez, who had earlier called Steve's cell phone and house, but received no answer. "How would that look?"
The third-place Marlins, who have struggled with attendance for some time, have come to count on Steve to lovingly call out players' names, start "Let's go, Marlins" chants, and boo the visiting team. In addition, the team was reportedly excited to see what Steve would write on a sign to make fun of Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols.
Steve is the only person to attend a Marlins baseball game in eight years.
"I seriously wonder where he could be," said Marlins second baseman Dan Uggla, who suggested the team warm up a little longer to give their fan extra time to show up. "I know his daughter has a dentist appointment, but I'm pretty sure that's next Sunday. Shoot, we'll have to push the game back to 3."