Thread: advice

so how sad is this but when ya need help, ask friends right?

so me and my gf have been together for like 3 and a half years or something like that, been living together for over a year now.....i want out. i cant take this shit anymore, she wants to get married. We both just turned 21 and i keep telling her we are way too young to get married or any of that shit. It just seems like every day something happens that drives me crazy and makes her want to marry me. I seriously dont know if one of us has lost it but i cant take this craziness anymore.....

the only hard part is that we've been splitting stuff so it'll almost be like a fucking divorce with "who gets this" type shit. Dont get me wrong i love this girl and ive known her for 10+ years. But i started thinking that we were better off as friends and nothing more.

hmm, have you talked to her about this?.. like how you feel..
you need to tell her that you either need to wait or you cant do it, if you love her you should at least try.
im 17, i might be dumb, but thats my opinion.
you cant always find love, but when you do, dont give it up.
i might not come back.

sorry if i cant help,
Hellfire™

YOU have to be happy with YOUR life first before you can be happy with anyone else.

If you truly want out, then you best not waste time.

If you truly love this girl, then you must help her understand how you feel and work it out.

Life is full of decisions, each one of them determinng our future... You might try removing yourself from your environment for a couple of days or so, just so you can make a clear decision thats NOT based on emotion.

Good luck, and remember that life goes on.

ive told her how i feel about getting married or engaged and all that jazz and shit. she knows im not ready, but she keeps saying "i dont want to pressure you, but hey lets go look at rings". ive had a couple opportunities to take myself out of this environment and it just keeps coming back to the whole thing about letting it go for good, or hoping this misery ends soon.....

The reason this is SO bad for you is that you two are in two different places in your relationship. Everything will be annoying since you know how she really feels and it's always in the back of your mind. I was in the EXACT same situation...even down to the time you have been together. All I can tell you is that if you are not ready do not waste her (or your) time. If you decide to split it will all be good at first...FREEDOM! However if she is truly your love this too will also come out.....you will be constantly comparing any new mate to her....and you will find out where you stand.....as will she. If you decide to stay you need to have a SERIOUS heart to heart talk about BOTH of your feelings...this talk needs to be planned and NOT spur of the moment or during one of those "lets look at rings" then you get pissed times.

PS..... I married my GF and we have 2 kids and been together almost 13 years.

dont force it. if you feel like getting out, do it. the real good relationships are right and you know it.

I'm not going to vote, because there are just so many variables that only you can know.

Ask yourself these questions first: Do you love her, and are you prepared to spend your life with her?

My advice? I'd say, like others have, just sit her down and have a calm and collected talk with her. Tell her that you are not ready for marriage, and that just because she says, "Not to pressure you or anything," that this does not mean that it is not putting pressure on you. She needs to understand that it makes you crazy or mad when she drops these hints or suggestions. Make sure that she understands this, because you do not want to be "forced" into marriage, or make any rash decisions that can lead to bigger problems down the road. Let her know that you want to make sure that this relationship is the real deal.

Tell her that you are young, and have your whole lives ahead of you. A marriage will drastically change the world for both of you; it will alter your reality for the rest of your lives. If the answer was yes to both of my questiosn, tell her that you love her, and that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, but that you just are not ready to make such a commitment. If you have financial, legal, or other issues like that going on right now, say that you want to wait until things are more stable before you move on with a venture like that.

Tell her that you need time and space; that you need to think this life altering decision through again and again, because its such a drastic leap to make at such a young age.

Talk to her about these things. Discuss them. Do not get angry, and be calm. If she loves you, she will respect your decision, she will give you space and lay off of the, "lets go look at rings," crap. She needs to understand how you are feeling when she ask such questions, and she needs to know how you feel about this whole issue, otherwise it will ruin your entire relationship in a real quick manner.

If your answer was no to my questions, then get the fuck out as quick as you can with as much of the furniture and assets as possible. I am guessing that your answer will likely be, "I don't know," for atleast on of them, and you need to do some soul searching and deep thought to get to the answer of those questions, otherwise this matter, and relationship, will deteriorate rapidly.

$0.02.

I wholeheartedly agree with digital on this one. You've already made a commitment by moving in together, but it is a shallow commitment. I would say that your feelings for her may not truly be love because love conquers all. This is proven by what digital said. I've been married for 20 years and it takes work, but it is worth it because my love for my wife is overwhelming and all ways wins out through the most difficult times. You have to determine whether it is worth it and if it's not then IMO it is not love, it is more a fear of being alone. If it is tearing at you that much then you should end the relationship, which again goes to my point that the love you think you have isn't strong enough for her. If it was it wouldn't matter.