Thread: For Techies: Installing a Husband (joke)

INSTALLING A HUSBAND
>
>
> Dear Tech Support,
>
> Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
> distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the
> flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
> 5.0.
>
> In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
> Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
> programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.
>
> Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
> system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
> avail.
>
> What can I do?
>
> Signed,
>
> Desperate
>
> ------------ --------- --
>
> Dear Desperate:
>
> First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
> Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'I Thought
> You Loved Me.exe' and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to
> install the Guilt 3.0 Service Pack.
>
> If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
> automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
>
> But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
> default to Passive Aggressive Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
> Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly beta
> interface with circular reference loop capability.
>
> Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
> background that will eventually seize control of all your system
> resources).
>
> Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
> unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
>
> In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
> memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
> buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
> Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
>
> Good luck,
>
> Tech Support

lol This was awesome... Good one...

HA! Food and lingerie will only get us going for a little while. You have to keep running the programs or we'll go into sleep mode

hahah good stuff

See, really, the only true problems comes up if Wife 3.0 requires an external dongle to activate.

Originally Posted by DeusInnomen

See, really, the only true problems comes up if Wife 3.0 requires an external dongle to activate.

Buahahaha

*falls off couch giggling* Bad Deus. No cookie.

[rest of this comment deleted for younger eyes, and those that like to pretend I still have innocence]

Originally Posted by Gr4verunner

There's a wife one that was funny as well, nice find.

> Dear Tech Support:
>
> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to
> Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program
> began unexpected child processing that took up
> a lot of space and valuable resources.
>
> No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
> product brochure.
>
> In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself
> into all other programs and
> launches during system initialization,
> where it monitors all other system activity.
>
> Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken
> Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no
> longer run, crashing the system whenever
> selected.
>
> I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in
> the background while attempting to run some of
> my other favorite applications.
>
> I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
> but the uninstall does not work on this program.
>
> Can you help me, please!!!
>
> Thanks, A TROUBLED USER
>
-----------------------------
>
> Dear TROUBLED USER:
>
>This is a very common problem men complain
> about but is mostly due to a primary
> misconception.
>
> Many people upgrade from
> Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea
> that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES &
> ENTERTAINMENT program.
>
> Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
> and designed by its creator to run everything.
> It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and
> still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
>
> Hidden operating files within your system
> would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate
> Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
>
> It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge
> the program files from the system once
> installed.
>
> You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
> because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.
>
> Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0
> or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems
> than the original system.
>
> Look in your manual under
> "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support".
>
> I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal
> with the situation.
> I suggest installing background application program
> C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation.
>
> Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest
> you read the entire section regarding General
> Partnership Faults (GPFs).
>
> You must assume all responsibility for faults
> and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.
>
> The best course of action will be to enter the command
> C:\APOLOGIZE.
>
> In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR
> because ultimately you will have to give the
> APOLOGIZE command before the operating system
> will return to normal.
>
> The system will run smoothly as long as you
> take the blame for all the GPFs.
>
> Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.
>
> Consider buying additional software to improve
> the performance of Wife 1.0.
------------------------------
> I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.
> Do not, under any circumstances, install
> Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.
> This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0
> and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the
> operating system.
>
>
> Best of luck.
> Tech Support