Thread: sayings of Confucius

Enjoy! :lol:

Confucius Says ...

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.

Man who run in front of car, get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Virgin just like balloon ... one prick, all gone.

Secretary not permanent until she screwed on desk.

Man who put cock in Peanut Butter jar is F***ing Nuts.

Man with tool in woman mouth may not necessarily be dentist.

Couple on 7-day honeymoon make hole weak.

Girl who marry Richard must kiss Dick.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter

Man young when he snatches kisses, old when he kisses snatches.

Man who loses key to lady's apartment get no new-key.

Man who go to sleep with itchy butt, wake with smelly fingers...

War do not determine who right, war determine who left.

Schoolboy who play with schoolgirl during wrong period, get caught red-handed.

Girl who sit on judge's lap get an honorable discharge.

Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

He who farts in church sits in own pew.

He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.

He who fish in other's hole often catch crabs.

Squirrel who run up woman's leg not find nuts.

He who kisses woman's ass get crack in jaw.

Passionate kiss just like spider web - lead to undoing of fly.

Girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.

If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.

Man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy, feeling nuts.

Woman who go to bachelor apartment for snack get tit-bit.

Man who put rooster in Ice Compartment take out Stiff Cock.

No difference between man and mouse - both end in pussy.

Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.

Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time

Man who go to bed with diarrhoea wake up in deep shit.

Wise man never play leapfrog in nudist colony.

Baseball all wrong - Man with four balls cannot walk

Elevator smell different to midget.

Man with hand in pocket is having a ball.

Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.

Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.

Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out.

Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed.

Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it

Man who lays girl in field gets piece on earth.

Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.

He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.

Hockey player on ice have big stick.

House without toilet, uncanny.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who eat photo of father, soon spitting image of father.

Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight.

Man who read woman like book, prefer braille.

Man who sit on tack get point.

Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.

Woman who wear G-string, high on crack.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Blah Confucious is whacked!!!!!!!

I love Confucious......even though he never said any of these...

However he did say "Never use a cannon to kill a mosquito."

Confucious say go to the EK Forum and post a Yo Momma joke

WHAT
24 hours? When the rest of the normal world would get ass raped?
It must be a new trend with celebs.
I love the Mike Tyson of old but I think the guy is headed to an early grave or permanent prison cell.

Mike Tyson gets day in jail for cocaine, DUI
MESA, Arizona (AP) -- Mike Tyson was sentenced Monday to 24 hours in jail and three years' probation for drug possession and driving under the influence.



The former heavyweight champion had pleaded guilty in September to a single felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor DUI count.

Tyson had faced a possible maximum sentence of four years and three months in prison. Prosecutor Shane Krausner had recommended one year in prison Monday, saying that Tyson was a multiple offender who previously had been convicted of a violent crime and that only now has he sought treatment for his drug addiction.

The charges stemmed from a traffic stop in Scottsdale last December.

Police pulled Tyson over after the boxer had spent the evening at Scottsdale's Pussycat Lounge. An officer said he saw Tyson wiping a white substance off the dashboard of his black BMW, and that his speech was slurred.

Authorities said they found bags of cocaine in Tyson's pocket and in his car.

Tyson told officers later that he used cocaine "whenever I can get my hands on it," and that he preferred to smoke it in Marlboro cigarettes with the tobacco pulled out, according to court documents. He also told police that he used marijuana that day and was taking the antidepressant Zoloft, the documents state.

Since his arrest, Tyson checked himself into an inpatient treatment program for what his lawyer called "various addictions."

Tyson attorney David Chesnoff said his client had taken 29 drug tests without a relapse since his arrest and that he's attended Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings.

Two of Tyson's former wives also wrote letters to the court asking for leniency.

Superior Court Judge Helene Abrams said Monday that she was impressed that Tyson was seeking therapy for his drug addiction. "You worked to address your addiction and self-destructive behavior," Abrams said.

County Attorney Andrew Thomas had said after the plea was entered that Tyson should be put in prison, noting that Tyson was convicted of rape in Indiana in 1992 and pleaded no contest to misdemeanor assault charges in Maryland in 1999.

In 1986, Tyson became the youngest heavyweight champion in history when, at 20, he knocked out Trevor Berbick. He lost his title four years later when he was knocked out by James "Buster" Douglas. By 1997, Tyson's career hit a low point when he bit Evander Holyfield's ear during a fight.

Tyson, 41, recently had been trying to revive his career with a series of boxing exhibitions.



http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/11/19....ap/index.html

that'll teach him!