Thread: College Football starts tomorrow

[OP theft from NCAA Week 1: It's too damn hot to wear my hoodies - The Something Awful Forums]

AUGUST is the cruellest month, breeding
coors out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Vinegar sauce with summer rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
fields in forgetful snow, feeding
Big Ten offenses with little FGs.
Fall surprised us, coming over Morgantown
With a shower of rain; we stopped at Toomer's Corner,
And went past their dying branches, into the parking lot,
Drinking whiskey, from mmmjstone's bra,
Bin gar keine Süd, stamm’ aus Aggie, echt soldat
And when we were children, staying at Petrino's
My cousin's, they moved every six months,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And away we went.
On the field, there you feel free.
I made it rain, much of the night, and went south in the winter.

What are the roots of that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of Updyke,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the Gopher no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of sweet tea. Only
There is shadow under this Hoke,
(Come in under the shadow of this Hoke),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you turnovers in a handful of dust.

Frish weht die Prostituierte
Der U zu
Mein Rivals Top Hundret Kind,
Wo weilest du?

“You gave me a big ass turkey leg a year ago;
They called me the drumstick girl.”
—Yet when we came back, late, from Kinnick,
Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not
Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,
Looking into the heart of light, the silence.

Oed' und leer das feld

Charles Robinson, famous clairvoyante,
Had a bad cold, nevertheless
Is known to be the wisest man at Yahoo,
With a wicked pack of cards. Here, said he,
Is Your card, the drowned SMU Mustang
(Those are pearls that were his eyes. Look!)
Here is 'lil Luke, the King of the Club,
The man of situations.
Here is the investigator with three staves, and here is the yacht,
And here is the diabetic defender, Whitlock!, and this card,
Which is blank, is something he carries for his mind,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Shalala. Fear death by suspension.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mr. Golden,
Tell him I bring the horoscope myself:
One must be so careful these days.

South Bend,
Under the brown fog of a winter dawn,
An assistant flowed over the guard rail, so many,
I had not thought death had undone so many Irish.
Rapes, short and infrequent, were ignored,
And each man fixed his eyes before his feet.
Flowed up the hill and down State Street
To where Badger Bowl kept the hours
With a dead sound on the final stroke of nine.
There I saw one I knew, and stopped him, crying "Kill!"
You who were with me on the fields at NIU!
That corpse you planted last year in your garden,
Has it begun to sprout? Will it regrow this year?
Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?
Oh keep the Gopher far hence, that's friend to men,
Or with his nails he'll dig it up again!
You! hypocrite entrayner!—mon ennemi,—ma malédiction!

Ahem.

We've done it! We've navigated the Wasteland! College football has returned, rejoice!

We have endured a lengthy and painful off-season, but an off-season that has not been without its distractions.
We had men killing trees!
And Sweatervest getting the squeeze.

We had the secession of the Corps!
And hurricanes impregnating whores.

We had Stew reporting Danas's margaritas
And 'lil Luke vacuuming fetuses.

It was the off-season of bad realignment and worse trophies.

But now, mercifully, that is all behind us. It's time to play ball bah gawd.

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 1, 2011
6:00 PM ET Murray State @ Louisville (ESPN U)
7:00 PM ET SC State @ Central Mich (TBA)
7:00 PM ET North Texas @ FIU (ESPN3.com)
7:00 PM ET Villanova @ Temple (ESPN3.com)
7:00 PM ET New Hampshire @ Toledo (TBA)
7:30 PM ET Fordham @ Connecticut (ESPN3.com)
7:30 PM ET Western Carolina @ Georgia Tech (ESPN3.com)
7:30 PM ET NC Central @ Rutgers (ESPN3.com)
8:00 PM ET 20 Miss State @ Memphis (FSN)
8:00 PM ET Wake Forest @ Syracuse (ESPN3.com)
8:00 PM ET Montana State @ Utah (KJZZ, Max Media)
8:00 PM ET U-N-L-V @ 11 Wisconsin (ESPN)
9:00 PM ET Bowling Green @ Idaho (TBA)
9:15 PM ET Western Ky v Kentucky @ LP Field (ESPN U)

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 2, 2011
7:30 PM ET Youngstown St @ 17 Michigan State (Big Ten Network)
8:00 PM ET 14 T-C-U @ Baylor (ESPN)

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 3, 2011
12:00 PM ET Utah State @ 23 Auburn (ESPN 2)
12:00 PM ET Northwestern @ Boston College (ESPN U)
12:00 PM ET Tenn Tech @ Iowa (Big Ten Network)
12:00 PM ET Miami-Ohio @ 21 Missouri (FSN)
12:00 PM ET Akron @ 18 Ohio State (ESPN)
12:00 PM ET Indiana State @ Penn State (Big Ten Network)
12:00 PM ET Middle Tennessee @ Purdue (Big Ten Network)
12:21 PM ET Kent State @ 2 Alabama (SEC Network)
12:30 PM ET Appalachian St @ 13 Virginia Tech (ACC Network)
2:00 PM ET South Dakota @ Air Force (The Mountain)
3:30 PM ET Troy @ Clemson (ESPN3.com)
3:30 PM ET ULM @ 6 Florida State (ESPN U)
3:30 PM ET U-C-L-A @ Houston (FSN)
3:30 PM ET Arkansas State @ Illinois (Big Ten Network)
3:30 PM ET Western Mich @ Michigan (ABC (ESPN2 mirror))
3:30 PM ET Delaware @ Navy (CBSCSN)
3:30 PM ET Chattanooga @ 10 Nebraska (Big Ten Network)
3:30 PM ET James Madison @ North Carolina (Raycom Sports)
3:30 PM ET So Florida @ 16 Notre Dame (NBC)
3:30 PM ET SE Louisiana @ Tulane (TBA)
3:30 PM ET Minnesota @ 25 U-S-C (ABC)
4:00 PM ET Sacramento St @ Oregon State (TBA)
4:45 PM ET B-Y-U @ Ole Miss (ESPN)
5:00 PM ET San Jose St @ 7 Stanford (CSN-BAY)
5:00 PM ET Idaho State @ Washington St (TBA)
6:00 PM ET Liberty @ NC State (ESPN3.com)
6:00 PM ET Colorado State @ New Mexico (The Mountain)
6:00 PM ET Buffalo @ Pittsburgh (ESPN3.com)
6:00 PM ET Montana @ Tennessee (PPV)
6:00 PM ET William & Mary @ Virginia (ESPN3.com)
7:00 PM ET Missouri State @ 15 Arkansas (PPV)
7:00 PM ET Indiana v Ball State @ Lucas Oil Field (ESPN3.com)
7:00 PM ET Fresno State @ California (CSN-CA)
7:00 PM ET Austin Peay @ Cincinnati (TBA)
7:00 PM ET Richmond @ Duke (ESPN3.com)
7:00 PM ET 12 So Carolina v East Carolina @ Bank of America Stadium (FSN)
7:00 PM ET Howard @ Eastern Mich (TBA)
7:00 PM ET Fla Atlantic @ 22 Florida (ESPN U)
7:00 PM ET Northern Iowa @ Iowa State (TBA)
7:00 PM ET McNeese State @ Kansas (TBA)
7:00 PM ET Eastern Ky @ Kansas State (TBA)
7:00 PM ET Army @ Northern Ill (ESPN3.com)
7:00 PM ET Louisiana @ 9 Oklahoma State (FCS)
7:00 PM ET Texas State @ Texas Tech ()
7:00 PM ET Char Southern @ U-C-F (BHSN)
7:00 PM ET Eastern Wash @ Washington (ROOT Sports)
7:30 PM ET Elon @ Vanderbilt (CSS)
8:00 PM ET 5 Boise State v 19 Georgia @ Georgia Dome (ESPN)
8:00 PM ET 3 Oregon v 4 L-S-U @ Jerryworld (ABC)
8:00 PM ET Ohio U @ New Mexico St ()
8:00 PM ET Tulsa @ 1 Oklahoma (FX)
8:00 PM ET Rice @ Texas (Longhorn Network)
9:00 PM ET Northern Ariz @ Arizona (FSN-AZ)
9:00 PM ET Stony Brook @ Texas-El Paso (TW-El Paso)
9:00 PM ET Weber State @ Wyoming (TBA)
10:00 PM ET UC Davis @ Arizona State (FSN-AZ)
10:00 PM ET Cal Poly @ San Diego St (The Mountain)
10:00 PM ET Louisiana Tech @ Southern Miss (FSN)
10:15 PM ET Colorado @ Hawaii (ESPN 2)

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 4, 2011
3:30 PM ET Marshall @ 24 West Virginia (ESPN)
7:30 PM ET S-M-U @ 8 Texas A&M (FSN)

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 5, 2011
8:00 PM ET Miami-Florida @ Maryland (ESPN)

[/OP theft]

In celebration, here is a song.

Aggies comin to the SEC next summer.....have fun being bottom tier

The Aggies will def hold their own in the SEC I think.

Sent from my HTC Thunderbolt

Wisconsin offense looked great.

Defense left quite a bit to be desired. But, it is the first game with new, younger players on defense. So hopefully they will get their shit together soon, Oregon St. comes to Camp Randal next week.